Love Rolls On! Unlikely tales of marriage, love and disability

Riding the Waves Together Without Falling Apart

Barton and Megan have succeeded in their relationship by working together.

Three years ago, when Barton found out that a grant ended and while there were promises of continuing employment with that organization, in the end, he had two weeks notice that his position would be cut. Admittedly, I did not handle the news well. Several patterns were already in place to provide the right atmosphere for combustion.

Moving from Alabama to North Carolina was not easy, as to our hurricane tale, but also was difficult financially. We moved with quite a bit of debt, add to it moving into a house, a new roof, Barton’s surgery, and my pattern of not wanting to tell Barton no- especially when it came to training. With the cut of Barton’s grant, I was on freak-out mode.

Over the last few years, we both began to recognize ways that we were creating to the dissonance, and took time to look at and began to shift those patterns. Life is still life- we are in the process of another set of changes, and this time, we’ve been able to communicate more effectively, stay open even when we have tough conversations and work on solutions together.

Financial difficulties are a part of everyday life in our post-recession world, but for families with disabilities, there tend to be more issues caught up in the financial web. Everything from medical care, insurance, direct support staff, transportation, employment is related to a dollar amount.

Just because we’ve blazed our own path doesn’t make us immune to that as we’ve had to cut morning help for Barton to a minimal level (and the gracious gift of angels), hang on to my little Honda which is aging quickly, delay repairs to Barton’s equipment (we couldn’t believe that one strap was over $300 to replace and not covered by insurance), and are both experiencing contract changes at the same time.

Yet, we feel more connected because we are working together in a different way. We’re both taking better care of ourselves individually. I am not shouldering all of the burden anymore, and we are talking in a different way that is encouraging and supportive. It takes a lot of coordination and a constant reminder to stay open, and above all, a fundamental belief that no matter what, we will be okay. And that foundation is how we have learned to soar.

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