Training Practicality
October 14, 2010 at 4:40 pm | Posted in Megan's Blogs, Ramblings, The Nitty-Gritty, wheelchairs | Leave a commentTags: disability, disability and love, disability and marriage, disability and relationships, disabled defense, disabled protection, disabled self defense, interability marriage, Megan Cutter, wheelchairs
Last Saturday, Barton and I went out for a night on the town with dinner with our friends, Sloan & Wendy & we heard our friends of The Chris Hendricks Band play at a local bar. It was great to be out as Barton & I had been working really hard the week before & it’s nice to hang out.
As the night went on, a couple of people in the place had a bit too much to drink; they were pretty plastered. One guy kept coming up to me & Barton, which was fine because he was harmless, but he kept asking me to dance. It was funny the first time, not so much after that. I was sitting behind Barton & Barton became a barrier between the chaos on the sidelines & Sloan, Wendy and I. Barton’s concern was that this guy was going to fall back into our friends playing, but he also wanted to protect our little corner.
I’m not sure if the band members saw Barton block the guy’s hand as he reached over for me or if they saw his feet keeping him from coming any closer.
When I talk about Barton & I, how met training in martial arts, the first question that people have is, “How can Barton train in martial arts, in a wheelchair?”
I asked that question, too- on our first time trained together. And I do what everyone does the first time they train with Barton- pull the punch. What does that mean? It means I didn’t give Barton a realistic attack. If there’s not a realistic attack, Barton can’t give a realistic response. Finally, after chiding me, I gave a realistic punch, and he barred my arm & used some unexpected defense techniques.
While in the movies, martial arts can be big and showy, high kicks and complicated maneuvers may not be effective in a realistic situation. In training with Barton, it’s not so much what you do see and more of what you don’t see. Barton plays with angles, timing and distance in addition to all of the fun and pointy parts of his wheelchair. Whether he’s driving his motor wheelchair or in his manual one, it doesn’t matter.
There are down sides- hence our “No hole Fixer Up” Party on Sunday, where a few friends will help us repair the house from the holes in the walls from Barton’s wheelchair (Peace vs War Speeds). I can’t say all of the dents are Barton’s fault.
I’m privileged to have a man so willing to step in when needed to protect his family.
The Work We Do Together
September 12, 2010 at 3:30 pm | Posted in Megan's Blogs, Speaking Engagements | Leave a commentTags: disability and love, disability and marriage, disability and relationships, disability self advocacy, disabled defense, disabled protection, disabled self defense, interability marriage, Megan Cutter, personal assistants, personal care assistants, self defense for people with disabilities, vision
Last year, we traveled to Jackson’s Mill, West Virginia and spoke at a People Conference, sharing our personal story and discussing creating healthy relationships for individuals with disabilities. In the session before the end of the conference, there was a talk and discussion on relating abuse to people with disabilities. Over 80% of people with disabilities will experience some kind of abuse in their lives, and more often than naught, it will be from those they know- direct support staff, families or caretakers. Many people were open about sharing personal experiences about abuse or the crossing of boundaries by others.
This year, we were excited to come back to the People First Conference and shed light on creating safety in the community and creating personal safe space. We also talked about when your safe space becomes unsafe, both the physical and emotional impact.
The next day, Barton and I taught basic awareness, empowerment and a few self-defense skills to 30 participants during the morning. We saw participants come alive, become engaged and open up to how they can apply these skills in their own lives.
Barton and I worked well together during the week, building and playing off of each other. It is a reminder to us that in addition to our individual goals and dreams, we have this work that we do together that is undeniably important. It cannot happen if it is just Barton or just myself- it is a reminder of our partnership, our marriage and our vision of reaching others.
We each bring components that others can relate to, whether it’s Barton’s experience using a wheelchair, mine as a female, or or our story of how we met and how we overcome adversity together. When we are able to come together and work in this way, incredible things happen. And others are able to see, in tangible ways, how step by step, they can do the same.
During the conference, we took a break and spent a few hours writing haiku, lying on the grass in a spacious field. While I kept feeling the tugs of many other projects I should be working on, Barton brought me back to the present moment, enjoying not only the conference itself, but also the time we spent together.
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