Coming Home
December 22, 2009 at 4:45 pm | In Ramblings | Leave a CommentTags: disability, disability and love, disability and marriage, disability and relationships, gratitude, Megan Cutter
This weekend, Barton and I drove to Tuscaloosa, Alabama for my grandmother’s memorial service. While we were caught in the snow and ice in Charlotte, we did finally make it. I read the piece below at the service on Sunday. When Barton and I would visit my grandmother, we would have the most incredible exchanges, most of them without any words.
There’s almost more that I don’t know about my grandmother than what I do. I don’t know what it was like for her growing up, being a minister’s wife, or raising three children in times of uncertainty and change. I didn’t know her in her younger years, a Southern Woman, wearing magnificent dresses and style of the time. I didn’t see her when she taught classes to children or Body Recall to seniors.
But what I do know are precious moments in time, and so today I will link some of those memories together, little jewels like pearls on a necklace.
I remember my grandmother reading to me as a child, and when I would visit Tuscaloosa, we would sit in the living room upstairs reading or talking. She would make frocks for me to wear, but I was much more interested in wearing overalls. I would know my grandmother by her conversations with my mother in the kitchen making dinner or the lunches after church when granddad would retire downstairs.
If we went out, we would go to 5th Street Diner, or if it was a special occasion, Cypress Inn. It would always take us some time to determine the best place for us to sit, usually by the glass windows overlooking the water.
As time progressed, there were memories of uncertainty, concern and anguish over her fading memory. There were also moments of humor and laughter, like the time when granddad came home to a house full of Beannie Babies, little stuffed animals. Now I can tell you that my mother was as much of an instigator as grandmom in this adventure. The downstairs Christmas tree that was filled with Beanie Babies was a symbol of their spirit, laughter and life.
When granddad had surgery, grandmom’s fire and spunk was made known to us all. But when we took her to granddad’s room in recovery, they sat next to each other in silence. While we left to give them some privacy, for just a moment, a milla-second really, I noticed granddad pat her on the knee and on the face. I learned more about endearing love in this moment than nearly at any other time in my life.
Grandmom knew my husband Barton not by his name, but by his face. We would walk into her room, and she would pat Barton’s goatee and laugh. Every visit would begin in this way. We were there with her, wherever she was in that moment. The past didn’t matter, the future did’t matter, only that present moment.
Once, she advised me that when I got married, not to pay any attention to what my husband thought or said, just to do what I wanted to do anyway. She told me that while granddad was downstairs or away at church, she would dance. Now while I haven’t completely taken her advice, what I believe she meant was not to worry about what other people thought or said. She blazed her own path, and whether it was known or hidden, she lived an independent life.
Everyone here may have different memories, that of a mother, a grandmother, a church member, a teacher, a friend. Today we honor and celebrate these memories so that we may live our lives fully, in the present moment, as she did.
My mother wrote to me one time saying, “Your path isn’t easy, it is made of jewels milked with stones that make you strong and able.” This is how I remember both my grandmother and my grandfather.
A Heart Full of Gratitude
November 30, 2009 at 2:32 am | In Megan's Blogs, Ramblings | Leave a CommentThis Thanksgiving, Barton and I spent the day with my family in Atlanta. After having such an eventful week in Hatteras, I was terribly behind in work, yet I knew it was important to be with family, so with house in near tatters and the computer practically still attached, we drove on treacherous roads, past ten accidents on 85 (no, never a dull moment). We had a great day of feasting with family, and it was my cousin’s 21st birthday!
I have not always been so joyous about the holidays. After my mother passed away, I spent several years trying to avoid and escape the holiday season at home. Yet as the year has passed on, I have realized how important those connections with family are.
This year, it’s been such a joy to get to know our neighbors and those in our community around us. One day this fall I borrowed a neighbor’s van to pick up some bookshelves our mentor from our writing group was selling. While moving bookshelves out, we had a chance to chat about family and work, and it was great to get to know them better. Dropping my neighbor’s van off, I helped her move the heavy seats back in, something she had put off since it was a two-person job.
I am reminded about how important those community relationships are when I recently had to leave to teach an evening writing workshop and Barton had walked home in a cold downpour. Barton walked to a neighbor’s house, who helped him dry off.
Yesterday, I found out my grandmother passed away. On one hand, I am not sad because she had suffered from Alzheimer’s for many years. On the other, she was my last grandparent to pass away, and I am saddened by a generation now gone by. When Barton moved to Alabama, my grandmother patted Barton’s beard and smiled, and even the last time I saw her, our eyes connected.
This holiday season, I am thankful for all of the blessings in our lives, our family, our neighbors, our community, and I look forward to the adventures to come.
Happy Anniversary! (from Megan)
November 18, 2009 at 1:16 am | In Megan's Blogs, Our Love Story | Leave a CommentTags: disability, disability and love, disability and marriage, disability and relationships, love, love story, Megan Cutter
This week, we traveled to Hatteras Island to celebrate our fifth year anniversary and had a true adventure of sun, storm, and wind! Our lives together have been an adventure, and it’s been amazing to think about how far we’ve come in only five years.
We’ve had our share of celebrations and challenges over the years including moving to North Carolina, buying a house, starting our own writing business, Barton’s surgery, challenges of growing our family, and speaking at conferences and events. I am so blessed to be with someone who truly lives life with a smile and an open heart.
I admit, I grew up with a more cautious outlook on life. As a very young child, I would look to what my mother or my father thought of what I was doing, remnants of challenges with their divorce. I would look to the approval of those in authority and held back.
Coming out of those old thought patterns, I am blessed to see how open Barton is, with all life experiences.
As an inter-ability couple, we’ve had many challenges along the way from people who thought we shouldn’t be married in the first place to a continual break down of stereotypes where a family member has a disability. But with laughter and a bit of perseverance, we have walked through many of those challenges.
We’ve also had many joys, from celebrating with Chinese eating on the floor of our first house to reading and speaking at many different conferences and events, we are always a part of something new and exciting. I am always amazed at the different projects we have worked on over the years.
A toast to the years to come and to the adventures ahead!
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