Take Care of Who-Part TwoJuly 4, 2010 at 2:29 am | Posted in Barton's Blogs, Our Love Story, Ramblings, The Nitty-Gritty | Leave a comment
Tags: Barton Cutter, daily living, disability, disability and love, disability and marriage, disability and relationships, interability marriage, vision
Last week I mentioned in my post that I had been working with a whole new understanding of what it means to take care of myself so that I can be there for others more fully. As I have been working with this, it has been very interesting to observe the dynamics between Megan and I, to notice the impact that taking care of myself or, in a lot of cases, not taking care of myself, impacts our relationship as well as Megan individually.
Like many other couples, we have a tendency to worry about one another. This concern comes up in unexpected ways that often make little sense to the other person and if both people are not fully aware of what’s going on, it can make matters worse. In our case, my attempts to alleviate her feelings of being overwhelmed as we make several life transitions, were in fact much of the source.
I believed that my sacrificing my own needs would offer her the space and the time to do what she needed to do for herself, when in fact, much of this time, was taken up by her concern over me. The manner in which this concern was expressed led me to believe that I should sacrifice more. I misinterpreted Megan’
s emotions as being more than they were, concern for me, and therefore gave up more of my power instead of claiming it. All the while, Megan was asking for me to reclaim my power and responsibilities for myself.
Since I’ve been starting to shift my behavior with regards to my own needs, the shift in our relationship has been fascinating to observe. While I know I’m still far from where I need to be, it is clear that as I have begun to take care of my physical needs, she has begun to feel both a sense of freedom and relief from making sure that I was okay. This past week alone, I noticed several distinct differences in the way we were relating to one another.
It seemed at first that there was, in some ways, a period of detoxification, she had a let down from an extended period of picking up all of the responsibilities that I had let fall by the wayside. During this period, I found myself better able to be present with her and both recognize and affirm what she had experienced, which in turn allowed her to move through this on a path to recovery.
I also noticed that as we both took better care of ourselves, we were able to refocus our energies during the times we were together and engage in projects and activities that had not been honored in a long time. Most importantly, however, I’ve noticed a very clear sense of flow that has returned to our relationship, which has felt incredibly wonderful, and I’m so very thankful to feel this again.