It Takes a VillageJanuary 19, 2010 at 4:43 am | Posted in Adoption, Megan's Blogs, Our Love Story | Leave a comment
Tags: Adoption, disability, disability and love, disability and marriage, disability and relationships, love, love story, Megan Cutter
Yesterday after church, I had a coffee with our neighbors from when we were living in an apartment, just after we moved to Raleigh, NC. We just recently began attending this church because it is within walking distance from our house, has great accessibility, and has been so open and welcoming.
Barton and I have always known that having a family was an important part of our vision together. While we don’t know the exact timeline or method (medical, adoption, foster care), in the end, it doesn’t matter. It has been a long journey coming to an understanding of not being able to have children naturally, right away. We each processed the loss of the natural process and looked at what we felt comfortable/uncomfortable with as we moved forward. In a sense, it was very much like after my mother’s death. It put us in this place that was different and unspeakable to others. How do you even explain all of the spiritual, biological, relationship questions that we began to wade through. How difficult when we heard comments such as why would you want to take care of another woman’s child or you know you can’t give a child back. It has taken a long time to block all of the voices out and trust the path we are on.
My neighbor talked about the need for community support, no matter what the situation. That we all need to rely on those around us for support whether it’s carpool, driving kids to school or a night off to themselves.
While many of our friends had concerns over how we would handle expanding our family, no one talked about the solutions. This last year, we’ve taken a good look at the missing pieces, what we can do ourselves to actively fill in the holes and where we need help. This last year, we’ve made drastic changes that hopefully will help us in sustaining a family later on down the road. These changes haven’t been easy, as it has meant that I spend time away from close friends outside of Raleigh to concentrate on building relationships closer to where we are.
It’s a very humbling experience to admit that we can’t do everything ourselves. Between Barton’s fire of independence and my stubbornness (in Alabama I was nicknamed Rhino at training), it’s hard for us to say we can’t do it all on our own.
We’ve identified three areas that we need assistance with when we expand our family: an accessible vehicle, adaptable devices for taking care of a child (for example an attachment for a baby carriage to a wheelchair), and additional assistance for Barton and myself.
For 2010, we’ve organized Family For Us Fundraisers, community fundraisers that we hope will strengthen our relationship to our community, and let’s face it, are fun! On February 9, 2010, we are having a Pizza Party at Zpizza at their Raleigh location. We’ll be there from 5-8pm. Mention Family for US and 20% of your total bill will be donated.
In addition, the first NCWN open Mic on February 26th will support Family For Us as well. Join us from 7:30-9:30pm at Calm & Sense in Raleigh.
As Barton and I think about expanding our family, we are also looking at ways to strengthen our relationship to the community. If Barton and I rely on the community for support, than it is our commitment to support events, activities and businesses within our local community as well.